Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt at war with your own reflection?
As a clinical psychologist, I hear this more often than you might imagine. Food - something so essential to life - can sometimes become a source of deep pain, confusion, and shame. And if you’ve ever struggled in your relationship with food or your body, please know: you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.
More Than Hunger: The Emotional Layer of Eating
Food isn’t just nutrition. It carries memory, identity, culture, and emotion. For some of my clients, a meal can bring warmth and comfort. For others, it’s tangled with anxiety, guilt, and self-criticism.
Have you ever felt joy while eating… only to feel a wave of guilt or shame minutes later?
That emotional roller coaster is one of the hallmarks of eating disorders. And no, it’s not about willpower or vanity. Research shows that for those with anorexia, for example, eating can actually activate fear rather than pleasure in the brain. So when someone says, “Just eat,” they miss the point entirely.
Healing isn’t just about what’s on your plate - it’s about what’s on your mind and in your heart.
What Does an Eating Disorder Look Like?
One thing I always remind my clients is this: eating disorders don’t have a look. They affect people of all sizes, genders, ethnicities, and backgrounds. You don’t have to “look sick” to deserve help.
Did you know?
- 8.6% of women and 4.07% of men experience an eating disorder.
- Binge eating disorder is the most common.
- People with eating disorders are at significantly higher risk for depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
And yet, so many suffer in silence.
Types of Eating Disorders (And How They Might Feel):
Whatever form it takes, an eating disorder is never just about food. It’s often a symptom of deeper wounds - perfectionism, trauma, unmet emotional needs.
- Anorexia Nervosa: Restriction brings a false sense of control. The smaller the body, the louder the fear.
- Bulimia Nervosa: The cycle of bingeing and purging - a desperate attempt to manage emotions through food.
- Binge Eating Disorder: Using food to soothe emotional pain, followed by shame and isolation.
- ARFID: A lesser-known but just as serious disorder, where fear or sensitivity makes eating extremely limited.
What Contributes to Eating Disorders?
Eating disorders are complex. They’re rarely caused by one single thing, but a combination:
- Genetics & Environment: Maybe you grew up with a parent who dieted constantly. Maybe food was used as reward or punishment.
- Cultural Expectations: Ever scrolled through social media and felt “less than”? It’s no accident - our culture sells unrealistic ideals.
- Trauma: Controlling food might be the only way someone feels they have any control at all.
- Internal Beliefs: “I’m not good enough,” “I have to be perfect,” “I’ll be lovable when I lose weight.” Sound familiar?
Whose voice is it in your head when you criticize your body? And do you still want to carry that voice with you?
The Journey to Healing: From Surviving to Thriving
Recovery is not linear. It’s not about being “cured,” but about coming home to yourself - learning to trust your body, your hunger, your worth.
In therapy, we work together to:
- Build safety and connection with your emotions and body.
- Unpack the past - not to dwell, but to understand the roots.
- Learn tools to challenge the inner critic and build self-compassion.
We also involve other professionals when needed - like dietitians, psychiatrists, or family members - because you don’t have to do this alone. One day, you can also eat freely without guilt again. The joy of movement that isn’t about burning calories. The moment you say, “I actually like myself today.”
You Are Not Your Disorder
You are not the voice that says you’re not enough. You are not the number on the scale. You are not your past.
You are someone worthy of nourishment, of rest, of softness.
If any part of this speaks to you—if you're struggling, or if someone you love is—please reach out. Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being seen, supported, and reminded that recovery is possible.
It’s never too early—or too late—to take that first step.
We can walk through this together.
Written by Alice Bertoldo, Fung Tsoi Lam Christel and Amanda Prudencio Rebeschini