Ever catch yourself overthinking what others think of you? Or second-guessing your worth based on how productive you’ve been lately? If so, you’ve already had a run-in with your ego. Not the “big ego” we associate with arrogance - but the quieter, everyday voice that tells you who you are supposed to be.
Let’s take a moment together to explore what the ego really is, how it affects our daily lives, and how loosening its grip can lead to something we’re all craving - more freedom, ease, and authenticity.
So… What Is the Ego, Really?
Picture this: You’re getting dressed and glance in the mirror. You recognize the face, the outfit, the posture. But is that all you are? Just the reflection?
The ego is like that mirror image. It's not fake, but it's not the full story either. It’s the version of ourselves shaped by our past experiences, culture, fears, achievements, and the expectations we’ve picked up along the way.
It helps us function and form our identity, yes. But when we believe the ego is all we are, we begin to live in fear - afraid to be wrong, to be vulnerable, to be seen as “less than.”
Have you ever stopped to ask: Who am I beneath all that?
Why It Matters in Real Life
You don’t need a psychology degree to notice the ego’s influence. It shows up in everyday moments:
- When you beat yourself up for not doing enough.
- When you stay silent because you’re scared of looking foolish.
- When you strive for perfection, thinking only then you’ll be loved or respected.
These aren’t flaws. They’re just signs that your ego is working overtime to keep you “safe” - but often at the cost of your peace and authenticity.
How We Get Here: The Stories We Carry
From a young age, we pick up silent messages:
- “Be strong.”
- “Don’t cry.”
- “Success means being busy.”
- “You have to prove your worth.”
Over time, these become scripts your ego plays on repeat. They helped you adapt once, but now they might be holding you back. Ever feel like you’re playing a role and not quite living your truth? That’s the ego talking.
Reclaiming You: A Few Gentle Practices
The first step is awareness - noticing when ego is running the show. Here’s how you can start:
- Pause and Breathe: In moments of stress or comparison, take a breath. Ask yourself: “Is this really me, or just my ego reacting?”
- Journal Freely: Let your thoughts out on paper. What expectations are weighing you down? What parts of yourself are you hiding?
- Practice Self-Compassion: What would you say to a friend in your shoes? Say that to yourself.
- Be Curious: Notice your triggers. Are you seeking approval? Avoiding discomfort? These are ego breadcrumbs.
You don’t need to “kill the ego” or meditate for hours a day. Even a single moment of honest self-reflection can begin to shift your relationship with yourself.
You Are Not Your Productivity. Or Your Reputation. Or Your Mistakes.
Let that sink in.
The ego will always try to define you. But underneath those layers is the real you - the one that’s soft, strong, intuitive, and whole. Therapy, reflection, or even just a heartfelt conversation can help you reconnect with that version of yourself.
And if you ever feel like you're stuck in old patterns or constantly comparing yourself, know that you’re not alone. That’s why I do what I do - helping people reconnect with their real selves, beyond the pressure, the noise, and the masks.
So I’ll ask again:
Are you ready to meet the version of you that’s been there all along - quiet, steady, and enough?
I’d love to walk with you on that journey.
Written by Alice Bertoldo, Fung Tsoi Lam Christel and Amanda Prudencio Rebeschini