As a couple’s therapist, I often hear this question: “Do we need to be in a crisis to go to therapy?” The answer is a resounding no. In fact, the best time to strengthen your relationship is before things get tough.
Just like we maintain our health with regular check-ups or our car with tune-ups, our relationships need care, attention, and the occasional adjustment. Whether you’re newly together or have been sharing a toothbrush holder for decades, here are some heartfelt, evidence-based tips to help your relationship thrive.
1. Make Space for Real Conversations
Not just “How was your day?” but the deeper stuff.
When was the last time you asked your partner something new? Real connection often lives in the small, meaningful questions:
- What’s been stressing you out lately?
- What are you looking forward to?
- Is there something you’ve been needing from me but haven’t said?
These kinds of conversations build intimacy over time. Set aside even 10 minutes a day to check in—distraction-free. No phones. Just you and your partner being present.
2. Don’t Wait for Problems to Seek Support
Here’s the truth: Strong couples go to therapy too.
Therapy isn’t just about repairing—it’s also about preventing. Imagine working through communication habits before they become conflicts, or understanding your partner’s love language before resentment builds. Some of my most rewarding sessions have been with couples who said, “Things are mostly fine—we just want to stay connected.”
Think of it like relationship fitness training. You wouldn’t only go to the gym after a heart attack, right?
3. Be Curious, Not Critical
It’s easy to slip into blame when we feel misunderstood. But criticism shuts down connection—curiosity opens it up.
Instead of: “You never listen to me,”
Try: “I notice I’ve been feeling a little unheard lately. Can we talk about that?”
This small shift in tone can prevent defensiveness and build emotional safety—one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction.
4. Rituals Matter More Than You Think
Big gestures are nice, but it’s the tiny rituals that create lasting closeness:
- A goodbye kiss in the morning
- Sunday coffee together
- A date night every Friday
These small acts become the glue in a relationship. They say, “You matter to me—even in the middle of everyday chaos.”
5. Tend to the Relationship, Not Just the Logistics
Life is busy. Between work, kids, bills, and never-ending to-do lists, it’s easy for the relationship to fall to the bottom.
Schedule couple time—just like you would a meeting or doctor’s appointment. Even once a week, 30 minutes of undistracted connection can make a world of difference. Go for a walk, cook together, laugh, talk. Don’t wait until you’re drifting apart to prioritize your bond.
6. Therapy Can Be a Tune-Up, Not a Fire Drill
I get it—there’s still a stigma that therapy is only for the “bad times.” But some of the most transformative work I see comes from couples who are doing okay and want to stay that way.
Couple therapy can help you:
- Deepen your understanding of each other
- Improve emotional and physical intimacy
- Build better conflict resolution tools
- Future-proof your relationship against stress
Starting therapy while things are good is like investing in a strong foundation before the storm.
Love Is Maintenance, Not Magic
Every relationship takes effort—but that doesn’t mean it’s a chore. In fact, when both people are intentional, relationships can be the most joyful, nourishing part of our lives.
So don’t wait for an argument to care for your connection. Water the plant before it wilts. Ask the question before the silence grows. And remember—it’s okay to ask for support even when things feel mostly fine. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom.
Written by Alice Bertoldo and Fung Tsoi Lam Christel